Erase the word "should" from your mind

Accept how things are, abandon how they ought to be. You can still make your own choices, just with eyes wide open

One of the more difficult aspects of “The Red Pill” that many struggle to grasp is that our little internet phenomenon is descriptive, not prescriptive. Said another way, this dorky group of internet men doesn’t tell you what to do. It tells you how things are and how things work.

Then, armed with that information, you can do whatever you want. Nobody cares. But we like you, so we hope you find whatever choices you make fulfilling.

A lot of guys who consider themselves “Red Pilled” get that wrong. They get bogged down in what you, me, and everyone “should” do. They get bogged down in how the world “should” be. They get so invested in the way they think things ought to be that it makes them a lot worse at navigating through the way things are.

Example 1: Some men (and many women) think having casual sex is immoral, or at least say that they think that. They think that people shouldn’t do it. They will call you names and say you are bad if you do, or if you did, or if you think it’s okay if people do. They will tell you all kinds of reasons why this is a bad thing to do, bad for society, civilization, the universe, God, your mental health, men, women, whatever. But it’s bad. People “should” be different.

Who knows? Maybe they’re right. Maybe the world would be better if people were different.

But people are not.

“But they should be”

But they’re not.

“But it’s immoral”

But they’re not.

“Well, I don’t do that, and you don’t have to do that.”

True. But regardless of how someone may think the world ought to be, if you choose to throw away one of the tools everyone else uses and benefits from because you, personally, are invested in how things “should” be, where does that get you? A life with fewer options, not always but often suboptimal outcomes, and a lot of complaining on the internet about how other people aren’t sacrificing their tools and living the way you think they should.

You can do what you want, or refrain from doing what you want. But investing a lot of mental energy in how you think things ought to be isn’t great for your mental health. It holds you back.

Men tend to feel better about life by instead focusing on how things are (not how they should be). Then, they can make whatever decision they want and do whatever is right for them (and accept the consequences of that decision) — based on how things are, not on “should”.

Example 2: Some men end up unsuccessful. They’re dumpy and out of shape, underemployed and poor, and in a bad marriage. Their fat mean wife doesn’t respect them and walks all over them. Their son is on drugs. Their daughter is on OnlyFans. And on drugs.

Their life shouldn’t be this way. They haven’t done anything wrong. They work hard, have a job even if it sucks, love their family, and try to do good. Things “should” be better. Their wife “should” respect them. Their kids “should” respect them. Society “should” respect them, and work differently.

That’s probably all true. They haven’t done anything wrong. Things just haven’t worked out for them. And in a fair universe, maybe their life “should” be better.

There was a masculinity pundit who preached an elaborate version of “fake-it-til-you-make-it” in response to this type of situation. He might tell you to wake up each morning, make your bed, clean your room, put on a suit, vote Republican, and strut around your home acting like a manly man leader, and if you go through all of these motions, the rest “should” just fall into place.

Essentially, if you act like things are the way they “should” be, then your life and the world will line up and be the way they ought to be for you.

Of course, that doesn’t work. You just end up being a broke, disrespected guy with a made bed whose family is wondering why he’s strutting around like a jerk when he’s dumpy-looking and poor.

If that same guy hits the gym and gets hot, and improves his professional life, then when he comes home looking hot and making bank, his wife may well drag him off to the unmade bed for some sexy-times, even though he’s wearing dumpy gym clothes and the house is dirty.

Acting like things are the way you think they “should” be and roleplaying that way is just a really convoluted and indirect way of putting your head in the sand and pretending. Instead of making the decision to accept how things actually are, then deciding whether it’s worth making the effort to fix an actual problem or not (and accepting the consequences of whichever decision you make), it’s stubbornly investing in the way you wish things were. The way you think things ought to be.

Example 3: A lot of internet men (and many internet women) out there think we “should” live in a more traditional world kind of like people today picture the 1950s. Where the women are all like June Cleaver and the men are all chivalrous, hard-working, duty-bound heroes who go out of their way for strangers and to make society a better place because they’re real men.

Maybe the world would be better if it were like that.

But it’s not.

If we really want to, we can invest a lot of mental energy in this pie-in-the-sky utopian idea of how we think the world ought to be. We can speak about it ad nauseum on the internet. We can “spread awareness” about how bad things have gotten and how this is not a good path. We can lament that civilization and our culture seem to be ending, the social contract is gone, and how terrible this is, and that we all “should” change and be different.

But that’s not how the world works.

If we really want to change the world from how it is into a different world that’s the way we think it ought to be, that requires a lot of men with guns willing to fight and die to change the world in that way. Do you have the men and the guns? I sure don’t. So complaining about how I think the world “should” be is really just mental masturbation.

Nobody changes the world by telling other people they should be different on the internet. It’s a fun game to play, though. You can tell people stuff like that on the internet so people who agree with you will click a happy button that gives you internet points. If you get enough internet points and enough people who like you, you might make a little money if you keep typing things people agree with a lot. But that’s not really fixing the world.

In conclusion:

You do not create a better world or a better life for yourself by refusing to be a part of the way things are. You just shoot yourself in the foot on principle. Maybe things still work out okay for you that way. But that’s in spite of the bullet in your foot, not because of it. More often than not, you just end up less than you could have been but hopefully find the fact that your principles are meaningful to you fulfilling enough to make up for the loss.

You do not create a better world or a better life for yourself by pretending things are the way they should be and hoping it works out. That’s trying to fix the consequences of your problems instead of addressing the problems themselves, because you stubbornly don’t think it’s fair that you’ve experienced the consequences that you have. And that might work or fool some people, but more often than not, you end up less than you could have been.

You do not create a better world or a better life for yourself through internet preaching about how the way things are is terrible and the way things ought to be is better. Unless you’re actually recruiting and building an army of men with guns this way. Or making some money doing it. But most of the time, you’re just investing your energy in something that’s not great for your mental health. Hopefully, the entertainment value is worth the loss.

Internet men: Never lose sight of the way things are. Even if it’s distasteful and unpleasant to you in some ways. Accept it. Accept the way things are. You can still make whatever decisions you want — whatever is right for you. But do it with your eyes open to the way things are, unclouded by your anger over how you think things should be.

Good luck out there, and I hope you find fulfillment.