I used to know how to do this... Vague impressions remain. But, life has this way of wearing you down, of turning that childhood energy into adult obligation. There is a cycle to life. Here's a hypothesis... Your ability to have fun, which largely means to be care free for at least a little while, is highly correlated with your "surplus capacity".
When you're a child, your parents shoulder a lot of the burden of real life, which makes it *easier* to be the "fun guy", probably through high school and, maybe, through college. Your burdens are light and you have loads of "surplus capacity". So, your stress and anxiety are low -- You're naturally more fun and likeable. You roll with the punches and find it easy to keep smiling.
But, then, real life can hit hard. You've got to earn a living and find a way through life. If you've got a decent job and remain single, you can still, relatively, easily pull off being a fun guy, at least on the weekend. You might have to grind during the week, but, at the club or social event, you can let loose, especially with the help from a bit of alcohol.
Fast forward a few years. Now, you're married with kids. You own a home and cars, all with mortgage or loan payments. And, your parents are aging. Those same parents that sheltered you from reality are now adding to your burdens -- This is your karmic payback. As a middle aged guy, it is hella hard to be the "fun guy".
And, this is true even of the guys that are doing well, paying their bills AND managing to save for retirement. The problem is there is always some burden that needs your attention during this time. So, even when you're at a social event, your mind is pulled in "not fun" directions.
Eventually, this cycle moves along, though. Your kids grow. Your parents pass. You pay off the cars and the mortgage as well as any student debt. If you're lucky, you're physically, mentally and financially healthy. As your burden lightens, your "surplus capacity" returns -- perhaps more than you've ever enjoyed in your life.
And, guess what? You start to recall vague memories of having fun, maybe from high school, maybe college. You realize that you've been head down, grinding away, for decades. Life is racing past you, but you're not out of time yet. If you take action, you can be a "fun" guy again, but you have to relearn those behaviors... and adapt them to a new scene, a new time.
Now that you have this newfound "surplus capacity", what are you going to do with it? This is one of the topics the manosphere often highlights. "Do you even know what *you* want?" It has been years since you've been able to consider what you want. So, no, you probably don't. This is a key part of the process of reconnecting with your inner "fun" guy.
And, this isn't necessarily a big deal... It might mean going to more baseball games, more concerts, more hunting, more fishing, more whatever you like. Maybe it is coed social, maybe it is male bonding or maybe it is spending time alone. All of it will make you more "fun" when you're in a social group.
We often label the above "post peak burden" process as a "mid-life crisis", but I think it is something that is perfectly natural and just part of the modern male life cycle. I know this isn't particularly germane to AW's post, but it prompted me to think about this phenomenon, as I've been on a journey to reconnect with my inner "fun guy" and that seems relevant enough.
I used to know how to do this... Vague impressions remain. But, life has this way of wearing you down, of turning that childhood energy into adult obligation. There is a cycle to life. Here's a hypothesis... Your ability to have fun, which largely means to be care free for at least a little while, is highly correlated with your "surplus capacity".
When you're a child, your parents shoulder a lot of the burden of real life, which makes it *easier* to be the "fun guy", probably through high school and, maybe, through college. Your burdens are light and you have loads of "surplus capacity". So, your stress and anxiety are low -- You're naturally more fun and likeable. You roll with the punches and find it easy to keep smiling.
But, then, real life can hit hard. You've got to earn a living and find a way through life. If you've got a decent job and remain single, you can still, relatively, easily pull off being a fun guy, at least on the weekend. You might have to grind during the week, but, at the club or social event, you can let loose, especially with the help from a bit of alcohol.
Fast forward a few years. Now, you're married with kids. You own a home and cars, all with mortgage or loan payments. And, your parents are aging. Those same parents that sheltered you from reality are now adding to your burdens -- This is your karmic payback. As a middle aged guy, it is hella hard to be the "fun guy".
And, this is true even of the guys that are doing well, paying their bills AND managing to save for retirement. The problem is there is always some burden that needs your attention during this time. So, even when you're at a social event, your mind is pulled in "not fun" directions.
Eventually, this cycle moves along, though. Your kids grow. Your parents pass. You pay off the cars and the mortgage as well as any student debt. If you're lucky, you're physically, mentally and financially healthy. As your burden lightens, your "surplus capacity" returns -- perhaps more than you've ever enjoyed in your life.
And, guess what? You start to recall vague memories of having fun, maybe from high school, maybe college. You realize that you've been head down, grinding away, for decades. Life is racing past you, but you're not out of time yet. If you take action, you can be a "fun" guy again, but you have to relearn those behaviors... and adapt them to a new scene, a new time.
Now that you have this newfound "surplus capacity", what are you going to do with it? This is one of the topics the manosphere often highlights. "Do you even know what *you* want?" It has been years since you've been able to consider what you want. So, no, you probably don't. This is a key part of the process of reconnecting with your inner "fun" guy.
And, this isn't necessarily a big deal... It might mean going to more baseball games, more concerts, more hunting, more fishing, more whatever you like. Maybe it is coed social, maybe it is male bonding or maybe it is spending time alone. All of it will make you more "fun" when you're in a social group.
We often label the above "post peak burden" process as a "mid-life crisis", but I think it is something that is perfectly natural and just part of the modern male life cycle. I know this isn't particularly germane to AW's post, but it prompted me to think about this phenomenon, as I've been on a journey to reconnect with my inner "fun guy" and that seems relevant enough.
That's kind of a great theory
Lol more ways to pander to women. We're good.
This!