Learn to let other people be wrong and stupid. (Especially women)

And learn to love to be underestimated

A long time ago, humanity had this mystical ability that our species has long since lost: the ability for different people to have different opinions while nobody cares that much.

I’m not even talking about acceptance or open-mindedness or tolerance. I’m talking about something even more basic and more useful: Knowing how to let other people be wrong and stupid.

For example, when someone says something stupid - let’s say on the internet since this is really common and that’s where you guys are reading this right now - you might feel inclined to engage with this person and explain how they are wrong and stupid. Maybe even tell them something you think is less wrong and less stupid.

You’re pretty smart. You know you’re not actually going to change this person’s mind. But you can at least make the onlookers aware that the dumb take isn’t as smart and witty as it sounds. Better yet, if your less-wrong version is cool, maybe other people will like you, engage with you, and your internet clout grows a little.

Of course, the other person only believes maybe 10% of what they typed anyway. They were just posting dumb crap to get people like you to engage so their clout grows. Which makes the whole exchange a fake little game you’re both playing to trick onlookers… who aren’t tricked, because they’re all doing the exact same thing.

That’s the internet game.

People who are “smart” about their internet use are using it as a tool to try to market, grow, etc. Essentially, treating the internet like an extension of their work. For example, maybe when a big name internet manosphere man says something edgy on X, someone will read his Substack and/or buy one of his books. Or better yet, maybe an even bigger internet person will like what this manosphere guy said and tell his own following, and multiple someones will start to engage with the manosphere guy, give him future attention, and buy his stuff. This “smart” guy is turning his attention and time into a tool he’s using to grow and market and garner himself a return.

But that’s not most of us.

Even if you’re not that smart about your internet use and are just mucking around arguing with people for fun, as long as you’re still paying your bills in the real world, that’s probably fine. For you (and me and most of us), the internet is basically a video game. Social Media RPG. You’re exploring a digital world and battling PvP idiots. Yeah, you’re dumping attention into a sink built to leech it from you. But if you’re having fun, that’s what games are for.

One of the most annoying consequences of the internet age, however, has been this complete inability to let other people be wrong and stupid that we developed from our internet hobby spilling over into the real world.

For example, if your wife, your girlfriend, a girl you’re on a date with, a girl you’re talking to on a dating app, a girl you’re talking to in the real world that maybe you’d like to date, or just some girl you know says something wrong and stupid — which happens a lot — the best course of action 99.9999% of the time is to just shut up and let her be wrong and stupid.

I keep seeing stories (from both men and women) claiming women have magical superpowers and can smell manosphere thoughts from a mile away. They think there’s some secret tell. Nah. It’s just that a few of you can’t stop yourselves from stomping around, calling them slurs about their sex lives, and challenging their silly ideas. You’re terrified the girl across from you might not share your exact views on sex, gender norms, or politics. That insecurity is shooting yourself in the foot, and it comes from a place of scarcity.

The fear that this one date you’re on is not a success you’ll be able to replicate, so this one woman you’re sitting across from needs to be the right kind of girl and not have wrong and stupid ideas.

Learning to shut up and let women be wrong and stupid is how you graduate from scarcity. You end up on way more dates with way more women. All kinds. And you start to learn that it doesn’t matter if one of them says wrong and stupid things, because they’re all wrong and stupid about various things.

And suddenly, you become something those internet people fear: a stealth manosphere man!

Women don’t have secret superpowers. Women are dating you, having sex with you, maybe even getting into relationships with or marrying you, and have no idea you’re secretly the kind of person who’s reading this article right now instead of doing something more productive with your time. That’s kinda fun.

But this is a hard thing for a lot of guys in this sector of the internet to come to grips with, because a lot of us have never been well-liked. Many of us had difficult or disconnected relationships with parents. Not many friends growing up — maybe we were bullied. A difficult time getting a good first job due to poor connections or social skills. Hardly any luck with women. And so on.

So when we reach a point in life where we’re actually doing okay, and we have a pretty good grasp of how the game and the system work, it’s hard to shut up. Not just because the other person is wrong and stupid, but because they’re underestimating us. They think we don’t know. And we’ve been underestimated our entire lives.

Just sitting back and letting someone underestimate us? That chafes.

Letting someone be wrong and stupid also sometimes involves letting them underestimate you. Letting them think you don’t know better. Maybe even think you’re the wrong and stupid one.

Caring about that also comes from a place of scarcity. When that woman sitting across from you on a date is a situation you’re afraid you can’t replicate, you can’t let her underestimate you and wrongly think less of you.

Scarcity makes everything feel like a test you have to ace right now. To prove that you’re smarter. More aware. More right. You can’t abide by someone - especially a woman - thinking less of you. (Which is a bit short-sighted when you think about all of the supposedly dimwitted and clueless losers she’s had sex with in the past while passing over smart guys like you. Why not let her think you’re another clueless dude and get laid, silly?)

Once you’ve actually had options - been on enough dates, and realized this is something you can replicate - the fear evaporates. There are 4 billion women on earth, every one of them saying wrong and stupid stuff every day. And many of them are still dateable anyway. That one across from you right now who’s underestimating you? She’s not special. She’s not your last shot. She’s just the current shot. You’ll both have a lot more fun if you remember not to treat her like a debate opponent and start being more like the other clueless, underestimated guys she usually goes home with.

So you learn to shut up. You learn to let other people be wrong and stupid. Even to underestimate you.

You smile, nod, ask follow-up questions. You remark that things she thinks are “interesting”. Maybe even “wow, I never thought of it that way”.

You let her be wrong and stupid because it costs you nothing and keeps things easy. You don’t have to challenge her or be right because you already know the score. And she doesn’t want or need to know it. If she can underestimate you, she doesn’t feel threatened. You’ve signaled that you’re cool, fun, light, perhaps even in on the game.

This is the part where a lot of guys who’ve spent too much time on the internet tend to choke. After years reading, watching videos, learning and internalizing how the game actually works, and finally having things start to click — and it’s working because you’re talking to a girl right now — it’s hard to not flex that knowledge.

That’s part of the reason we’re here on the internet. For you.

Tell us if you can’t keep it inside. We’ll argue with you, make fun of you, and let you throw it back our way, so you don’t have to punch yourself out on a woman. We’ll pat you on the back and validate you so that you don’t have to beg her to acknowledge how smart and right you are. We’ll be your brain’s source of dopamine so you can let her entertain the rest of your body.

Shut up. Let her be wrong and stupid. And watch how much easier the rest of it gets.