Talking is for women. Conversations are for men.
Nobody ever turned a girl from a no to a yes with a big intellectual conversation
A common mistake many men make when meeting a woman they’d like to date or have sex with is trying to have a conversation with the woman.
Obviously, if you want to have sex, you have to talk to girls. Maybe even buy them a drink sometimes. But that’s talking. Having a conversation with women can be a deal-breaker.
When you talk with a woman, the purpose of your talking is not to exchange thoughts and ideas and get to know each other better. Save that for your wife. And even then only surface-level conversations. Save actual exchanges of information, deep thoughts, and true feelings for men. And even then only sometimes.
In fact, learn to deal with your deep thoughts, true feelings, and substantive information internally. That’s even better. Then, you can decide what to do with your life based on those thoughts, feelings, and information you’ve processed, and those of us in the rest of the world can figure out who you are based on your actions, instead of your words.
When you talk with a woman, the purpose of your talking isn’t to inform. It’s to demonstrate. This is broadly true any time you talk to anybody, but is especially true when dealing with women.
The same way looking hot, dressing well, showing up with hot, well-dressed friends, etc. is a demonstration of characteristics that make some women want to have sex with you, so is talking. Talking is how you demonstrate your social hotness. How muscular and well-dressed your social skills are.
Your first goal when you talk to a woman is to demonstrate that you aren’t weird or autistic. You have to sound normal and say normal things. And have normal body language when you do it.
Trying to have a real conversation with someone you just met is not normal. It is a demonstration of poor social skills. It signals that you don’t have real friends to talk to and are using a new stranger as a social connection as you demonstrate a weird and inappropriate level of trust, intimacy, vulnerability, and investment in a person you aren’t that close with yet.
Your second goal is to demonstrate that you know the first goal and are socially astute. You do this by small-talking well and keeping things light, but still interesting.
If you’re the kind of person who hates small-talk and finds it to be a chore, there’s a good chance you struggle at getting second dates and at making new friends besides the six people you’ve been best friends with since third grade. Talking about nothing is how women connect, because for women, talking is not an exchange of information. (Remember, you are talking, not having a conversation.) The dance — the exchange of social demonstrations — is how women feel closer to each other, and to men. Not the exchange of information and ideas. Who women talk to and how they talk to them is far more important than what they’re saying. The words they’re saying are just the backdrop — the excuse to be talking. The act of talking itself is the real message.
Your third goal is to play the game. You have to banter and flirt to make your intentions clear, but not overtly so.
If you don’t game and just small-talk, she’ll think you’re married and just being friendly. Or gay. Bantering and flirting frames the interaction in a romantic/sexual context. But much more importantly, playing the game signals your strong social aptitude. It signals that you are safe. You are in on the game and know how it works by throwing signals without being overt about sex. Therefore you are discrete and have done this before. You are in on the game and know how it works by not being timid and passive. Therefore you are a suitable person to hook up with. The game signals safety — discretion and experience.
Why do conversations fail? Because conversations are high effort. And effort isn’t sexy.
Trying to have some kind of information-dense, deep, intellectual conversation with a woman is EXTREMELY try-hard. It comes across as:
Socially weird. It is not normal behavior and signals poor social aptitude. Everyone else in the bar is flirting. You’re trying to have deep thoughts. Get with the program.
Inappropriately vulnerable. You are laying out your thoughts, feelings, knowledge, effort, and investment — putting it all out there for judgment — making this woman you just met a judge in a position of power over you. That’s as sexy as it sounds.
Arrogant. A new stranger who is being super-try-hard by trying to have real, intelligent, substantive conversations comes across like he’s trying to show off how smart or experienced he is. Nobody likes that guy.
Desperate. All of that investment and energy being put into something that’s supposed to be fun and recreational means you’re placing entirely too much importance on a trivial interaction. This makes people uncomfortable. They can’t just talk like normal if you’re putting all of this energy and importance into it.
Attention-seeking. Normal people just talk. Your high-effort conversation comes across like a big, fat five-year-old shouting “look at me mommy!” before jumping into the pool.
It’s understandable to think that we’re supposed to connect with a girl by having a real conversation with her. How else do we figure out what our thoughts and opinions and interests are, and what hers are, and find some kind of common ground that we can use to establish emotional intimacy?
Answer: You don’t. Emotional intimacy is for your wife. Maybe your very serious girlfriend. Common interests are stupid. When have you ever had sex because you and a girl like the same books? In fact, if you like the same books as your girlfriend, we really ought to work on that with you.
Moreover, trying to establish emotional intimacy with a woman you aren’t having sex with is, as above, weird, creepy, over-invested behavior. It reads as desperate and socially inept.
Will a genuine conversation always cause you to fail with a woman? Nah. Definitely not. But there is never a case where you were going to strike out and go home alone, but then you had a real, deep, intellectual, high-effort conversation with the woman and won her over.
So in summary, keep it light and fun. Use talking to demonstrate social aptitude, signal that you’re in on the game, safe, and discrete, and to flirt to set the context of your interaction.
If you just can’t help yourself and have to share some deep intelligent thoughts, hit me up. I wasn’t going to fuck you anyway, so at least you can’t do any damage.
Painfully vapid article, the author could exchange his soul for a big mac and a Grindr subscription and it would make no difference (I believe he already has). Yes if you just want to pump and dump this is fine advice, yes that’s what most Americans want, however this makes you a Godless degenerate. It irks me that someone with the moral compass of a faggot can act as though they have anything important to say, perhaps the author should take his own advice and stop speaking altogether.
The author may get all the cheap sex he wants now, but short of a miracle at his death no one will care. The whores won’t weep, the manosphere clones won’t care, not even the worms will mourn him. Unlike Tricky Dick who ignored this advice and still landed in greener pastures, one’s time is valuable, don’t spend it on nothing people.
This reminds me of a scene in a Polish landmark dark comedy movie, Dzień Świra (A day of a madman). The protagonist - a middle age guy with severe OCD (and probably autism) is baffled when watching three women sitting next to him "talking": https://youtu.be/8nG7qLanxgM?t=385 it's in Polish, but since they are talking and not having a conversation, it doesn't really matter what they say (it's mostly simple statements about basic life activities, like sleeping or shopping, and then something about a date with a man). "Dumb cunts", the protagonist concludes.
An exaggerated, but accurate depiction of how an autistic guy perceives women "talking".
I remember having similar impression when, as an autistic teenager, I watched the "cool kids" "talking" in school: "WTF. These guys are idiots. Why do the the girls seem entertained? Why are they not having a normal conversation?".