Women are the frame masters. Men are frame children

Be the bull fighter, never the bull!

One of the big-deal terms us Red Pill internet men sometimes toss around is this thing called “frame”.

I don’t like buzz-words.

Once we take a large subject-matter area with a lot of different facets and nuances and reduce it to a buzz-word, we usually devolve into a bunch of different takes and definitions on that buzz-word. Mostly because the internet is a breeding ground for autism. Then we get a bunch of weirdos debating word definitions and who’s better at what and why. Internet weirdos are very good at missing the forest for the trees.

None of those word debates and definitions are necessarily inaccurate, all right? They’re all based in some selected subset of all of those facets and nuances. Nobody’s wrong, okay?

But for purposes of the lines that follow, I’m going to be using this buzz-word like a woman. Essentially, my “frame” is “my truth”, or if we want to get metaphysical, maybe “my reality”.

Why am I using this manly Red Pill concept word like a woman?

Because women do frame better than men do.

Women are frame masters. We men are mere children. Even us enlightened Red Pill men who have read countless internet essays and books on frame are pale imitations of women when it comes to frame.

Every human’s experience of this world is roughly defined by a set of filters. We each have a unique(ish) set of filters in our brains that affect how we perceive everything. Some of this is genetic, some of it is experience. Maybe there are other factors. I don’t know. We’re all kind of different, and we all also have a bunch of stuff in common.

But if you put 50 people in a room with a thing or an event, you’re going to get 75 different experiences of that event (because half of the people in the room are women and women are crazy and write multiple different mental stories in their heads about the same thing). Some of these 75 different experiences may involve slight, nuanced variations. And some of these different experiences may be so unrecognizably different from each other that you wouldn’t even know they’re related to the same thing or event if I didn’t tell you.

When I experience an event, every single facet of that event gets filtered according to my frame. Each facet of this event is either:

• relevant to my frame, in which case I will notice it, think about it, and respond to it in a deliberate way that uses my thoughts and abilities; or

• irrelevant to my frame, in which case I may not notice it, or if I do notice it I’ll probably find it amusing, irritating, or something easy to dismiss. My response to a facet that is not relevant to my frame arguably barely even count as an actual response.

This isn’t some kind of manly Red Pill conscious thing that I do, or that any of us do, or that I’m telling anybody to do, or not do. This is just how the brain works. Frame isn’t an action you take. It just exists. We all have a frame just by existing.

If your girlfriend comes in and bothers you about something and you immediately pivot from your reality to doing whatever it is she wants, we call that “weak frame”, but that’s just to make fun of you. You weren’t “weak”, per se. What really happened was your frame (e.g., your reality) wasn’t what you thought it was in the first place. The reason you pivoted to whatever her thing was is because she’s a big part of your life and your reality, and your “real frame” (for lack of a better way of putting this) is that you’re a good guy whose woman is important to him who likes to keep his woman happy.

This a lot of academic gibberish, so let’s go with an example:

My wife comes to me and says: “I backed into our trash can in the garage, which pushed it against the wall, and now there’s a big gouge in the sheetrock. I’m sorry!”

At the moment, it’s 7:46 PM on a Thursday and I’m in the middle of typing something for work.

So I say: “Okay. I’ll text a guy tomorrow.”

Now you’re thinking “Archwinger, what does that simple exchange have to do with frame?”

Well, let’s look at all of the facets of this situation: My wife was careless. Maybe I was careless with where I’ve been keeping the trash can. I don’t know how to fix sheetrock and maybe it’s unmanly that I don’t. This is going to cost money that we’ll have to figure out where to get. And there’s probably lots other stuff about this situation I haven’t thought about yet that will bite me in the ass later.

And my wife is clearly feeling bad and is distraught about this situation, and about the money especially, and wants to discuss this right now so she can feel better. And I love my wife a lot and want her to be happy and feel better. But I’m in the middle of work this minute. Nothing is on fire or flooding or failing to function — it’s just a cosmetic gouge in the garage wall. And I’m not going to be able to get a repair guy out at 7:46 on a Thursday evening. Maybe not even until next week. I actually don’t care about this at all - if we never fix this, ever, the house is still just fine.

I could yell at my wife. I could reassure my wife. I could act mildly irritated. I could use a bunch of words to try to explain why this doesn’t matter to try to help her feel better. But this whole situation is kind of not a priority right now.

And, get this, no matter how I respond, my wife feels really bad right now. So if I pivot from what’s relevant to me to start engaging with what’s relevant to her, it doesn’t matter what I do. We’re going to be in a fight.

If I give her a hard time, boom. We’re fighting.

If I start reassuring her, she feels like her feelings are being dismissed and this big deal important damage to her precious house is being blown off and minimized. Boom, we’re in a fight.

I don’t have time for a fight right now. I’m working.

Maybe after I tell her I’ll text someone tomorrow, she escalates because I’m not engaging and we have a frame competition.

Or maybe she walks away and waits to jump me about this later. Or even better, maybe she moves on. But right now, this isn’t the priority.

I’m not saying I’m awesome or good or right, or even that there is a right or wrong response to this example situation. That would be missing the entire point. It’s not about right or wrong, logical or illogical, better or worse, important or not important, or whose priorities get the best outcome. It’s an example of frame, which is a completely separate issue from who’s right or what’s important.

“Frame” isn’t something we think about and consciously apply. It just is. Frame is our reality.

If you’re ever having trouble “holding your frame”, the problem isn’t that you’re bad at this skill called frame. Your problem is that you’re not being honest about what your frame, a.k.a. your reality, actually is.

If my wife came in and I immediately pivoted to begin addressing her issue, we would make fun of me and call that “weak frame”, but that’s still not something I thought about and failed, or she thought about and succeeded. It just is. Frame is our reality, and in that moment, if I had immediately pivoted and started dealing with her problem, my reality would have been that her shit is important to me, if not directly, than just keeping her happy is important to me and a big part of my life.

I’ll go ahead and admit that the whole example above is a pretty lame example. I don’t have a lot of exciting things going on at home nowadays.

So let’s get to the fun part instead: Women are frame masters. A million billion times better at frame than men.

Why? Women trust their emotions.

If a woman feels a certain way, that feeling is correct. No question. That feeling is her reality. Her frame. It doesn’t matter what facts or logic you spit at her because she still feels that way, and her feeling is her reality.

If you keep spitting logic and facts at her feelings, she’s going to get pissed off because you’re invalidating her and denying her reality.

And when you talk about other things that are not relevant to whatever feeling she is currently interested in or working on right now, she barely acknowledges it or somehow relates it in her mind to her current thing. And if you keep babbling about irrelevant things to her, she’s going to get irritated that you aren’t listening or understanding her reality.

Her frame is unshakeable.

It is so unshakeable that it is almost as though nothing exists but her reality. The fact that you may have different motivations in your life that lead you to prioritize different things, have different opinions, make different decisions, go about things in different ways, communicate differently — this is not relevant to her reality. That is just you deviating from her reality because you are either uninformed and she needs to explain reality to you better, you’re a bad person who is against reality, or you are mean and hate her specifically so you are screwing with her.

The fact that you even have some kind of position on an issue, thing, or event that differs from hers is irrelevant. When you do something that is not relevant to her reality, all she sees is you are either stupid or evil or you hate her. The entire situation is viewed through the lens of her frame. Her reality is reality, and every single thing about you is defined in her mind by her reality.

Us strange internet men are here talking about “frame” as we stroke our beards and imagine that we’re enlightened psychologists who understand human nature, when every single woman past puberty has surpassed the very concept of frame itself to have a fully-fledged unshakeable reality of her own.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a good reality, a bad reality, or if it’s even a real reality. That’s missing the point. Frame isn’t about what’s right or wrong or good or bad. It just is. And in her case, it’s an unshakeable frame, far superior to your best efforts.

So what does one do with his woman? Dance! Be a bullfighter. Shout “Ole!” as you step aside having a blast the entire time. Smile, twirl as though the crowd is cheering you on, and if she returns to escalate again, keep up the fun. Eventually, the bull tires out and decides to go snack on some grass and take a nap. Which is what your woman probably needs after releasing some steam.