Way too many men tolerate these sexless marriages. I would feel bad for these men but they don't really seem to be standing up for themselves, so what do I care
💯. Imagine you're a high earner, late career, high net worth (relative to population) with a SAHM and kids... Nexting the bitch isn't the obvious solution.
Archwinger, this is an incredible piece. This is truly, truly great writing of profound truths that all men (and maybe, just maybe, women) should read and know. I read this piece early this morning, and haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Thank you.
I like the look at relationship health instead of angry muttering. Everytime I read one of your posts I tip my mental hat to your ability to write about these topics in a concise and understandable way. They just go down smooth.
I am sorry that so many men have such a hard time finding a woman with a similar libido as them. I really think more people should take that into consideration when choosing someone.
about half of women don’t cum from sex. almost all men do. I’d be interested to see the orgasm gap in couples who have a lot of sex and those that don’t
Oh, definitely. There's a huge spectrum among women, too:
- "I don't get off from sex, I never have. Probably a physiological issue or very deep psychological issue"
- "I don't get off from sex with my husband. It just hasn't worked with him. I've gotten off with other guys in the past just fine. Either our bodies just don't fit together in just the right way, or there's a psychological issue"
- "I can get off from sex, but a lot of psychological factors have to be just right. I can't be overwhelmed from life and 2000% stressed out and I have to feel emotionally close to my husband, or I just can't get into the right headspace"
- "I get off from sex with my husband most of the time. It takes a little work though, and I don't always feel like it"
- "I get off easily. A strong breeze gets me aroused. Hot damn, you should have seen me in college."
Like 99% of sexless wives claim to be the third thing, but that usually turns out to be a black hole, and there's no amount of candles, backrubs, date nights, and taking the kids that works for the poor guy, because what she interprets as "I must need more closeness and less stress" is actually "I'm just not that attracted to him any more". Turning away from intimacy in times of stress is a really, really bad sign in a marriage
I have had some frank conversations over the years about this issue and one that gets ignored is self pleasure and porn. Porn and self pleasure will make it harder to enjoy a real person for both men and women. Think of it like a callus on the private parts both physical and mental. It takes about 60 days for most people to begin to detox and begin to pay attention to the person they are with.
Also respect needs to be found. When people become obese and no longer look like the person they once were, it is hard to keep that same level of intimacy. My wife has had children and we both are about the same size and I still see the same women i met. Yes it means I have not had a cupcake this month.
Assuming that’s true, how do they get attracted again?
Also it’s a reasonable assumption that women often pick their husbands based on other criteria than whether they were horny or not. The guy who makes a woman horny often fails in other areas and it may be a matter of choosing a better temperament, skill set, common interests, values, aesthetic beauty, or income over “clitty go doingdoing” because very very few people can “have it all”
Typically? The dude needs to hit the gym, clean up his diet, stop being a social recluse and network better, get that promotion at work, dress and groom better, get all the moms at the kids' school function looking at him drooling when he walks by, and if his wife isn't tearing his clothes off by then, cheat on her with a few of those hot moms.
She'll divorce his ass, but it won't be because he's unattractive.
Usually, a sexless dude finds us evil internet men, reads something that makes him really angry and lights a fire under his butt, decides he wants to unfuck his life, spends about 6-12 months completely screwing that up because he's not serious about himself and is just doing it to try to manipulate his wife into liking him again, when that doesn't work because you can't control other people spends the next 6-12 months cursing us for existing and misleading him, gets served with divorce papers, does some introspection, and a year or two later decides we were right after all, fixes his life for real, and starts having sex with regularity again.
If it’s at all possible, don’t get married. There are just so many liabilities and problems that become unsolvable once you’re in a long term monogamous relationship.
I’ve been married once, and recently out of an LTR, and both times I lost my fastball—got fatter, stopped writing, drank more. Not good. Why? Because without the promise or prospect of something new, we get lazy.
And this is to say nothing of the fact that like any job who will fire you if it suits them, a woman will drop you like a hot rock as soon as things get hard or her feelings change.
Way too many men tolerate these sexless marriages. I would feel bad for these men but they don't really seem to be standing up for themselves, so what do I care
If you're the higher-earning partner, she has a strong financial incentive to divorce, and you have a strong incentive not to.
💯. Imagine you're a high earner, late career, high net worth (relative to population) with a SAHM and kids... Nexting the bitch isn't the obvious solution.
This is why I never married.
Archwinger, this is an incredible piece. This is truly, truly great writing of profound truths that all men (and maybe, just maybe, women) should read and know. I read this piece early this morning, and haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Thank you.
Why? Isn't it just obvious?
I like the look at relationship health instead of angry muttering. Everytime I read one of your posts I tip my mental hat to your ability to write about these topics in a concise and understandable way. They just go down smooth.
I seems like she just can't make up her mind, rather than an actual no. It's like picking a restaurant, just pick one.
This just seems obvious to me - of course the default should be yes and it's not a real relationship otherwise.
But very well said.
I don't think the mainstream is as against this as you seem to think though.
Ouch. The truth hurts.
Why?
I am sorry that so many men have such a hard time finding a woman with a similar libido as them. I really think more people should take that into consideration when choosing someone.
about half of women don’t cum from sex. almost all men do. I’d be interested to see the orgasm gap in couples who have a lot of sex and those that don’t
Oh, definitely. There's a huge spectrum among women, too:
- "I don't get off from sex, I never have. Probably a physiological issue or very deep psychological issue"
- "I don't get off from sex with my husband. It just hasn't worked with him. I've gotten off with other guys in the past just fine. Either our bodies just don't fit together in just the right way, or there's a psychological issue"
- "I can get off from sex, but a lot of psychological factors have to be just right. I can't be overwhelmed from life and 2000% stressed out and I have to feel emotionally close to my husband, or I just can't get into the right headspace"
- "I get off from sex with my husband most of the time. It takes a little work though, and I don't always feel like it"
- "I get off easily. A strong breeze gets me aroused. Hot damn, you should have seen me in college."
Like 99% of sexless wives claim to be the third thing, but that usually turns out to be a black hole, and there's no amount of candles, backrubs, date nights, and taking the kids that works for the poor guy, because what she interprets as "I must need more closeness and less stress" is actually "I'm just not that attracted to him any more". Turning away from intimacy in times of stress is a really, really bad sign in a marriage
I have had some frank conversations over the years about this issue and one that gets ignored is self pleasure and porn. Porn and self pleasure will make it harder to enjoy a real person for both men and women. Think of it like a callus on the private parts both physical and mental. It takes about 60 days for most people to begin to detox and begin to pay attention to the person they are with.
Also respect needs to be found. When people become obese and no longer look like the person they once were, it is hard to keep that same level of intimacy. My wife has had children and we both are about the same size and I still see the same women i met. Yes it means I have not had a cupcake this month.
Assuming that’s true, how do they get attracted again?
Also it’s a reasonable assumption that women often pick their husbands based on other criteria than whether they were horny or not. The guy who makes a woman horny often fails in other areas and it may be a matter of choosing a better temperament, skill set, common interests, values, aesthetic beauty, or income over “clitty go doingdoing” because very very few people can “have it all”
Typically? The dude needs to hit the gym, clean up his diet, stop being a social recluse and network better, get that promotion at work, dress and groom better, get all the moms at the kids' school function looking at him drooling when he walks by, and if his wife isn't tearing his clothes off by then, cheat on her with a few of those hot moms.
She'll divorce his ass, but it won't be because he's unattractive.
how does this process get initiated? (excluding divorce, because you’re probably aware of the post-divorce rebound-attractiveness phenomenon)
Usually, a sexless dude finds us evil internet men, reads something that makes him really angry and lights a fire under his butt, decides he wants to unfuck his life, spends about 6-12 months completely screwing that up because he's not serious about himself and is just doing it to try to manipulate his wife into liking him again, when that doesn't work because you can't control other people spends the next 6-12 months cursing us for existing and misleading him, gets served with divorce papers, does some introspection, and a year or two later decides we were right after all, fixes his life for real, and starts having sex with regularity again.
there’s also divorce mentioned before he starts having sex again
You described the process not working
A man unfucking his life and having sex like a normal person again is the process working
Saving the marriage or not is just some random side thing that involves a woman. She'll come along or she won't. That's her deal
If it’s at all possible, don’t get married. There are just so many liabilities and problems that become unsolvable once you’re in a long term monogamous relationship.
I’ve been married once, and recently out of an LTR, and both times I lost my fastball—got fatter, stopped writing, drank more. Not good. Why? Because without the promise or prospect of something new, we get lazy.
And this is to say nothing of the fact that like any job who will fire you if it suits them, a woman will drop you like a hot rock as soon as things get hard or her feelings change.
This one hits so directly.